{"id":308,"date":"2019-12-13T09:03:14","date_gmt":"2019-12-13T09:03:14","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.sa-israel.org\/en\/?p=308"},"modified":"2021-07-23T20:03:05","modified_gmt":"2021-07-23T20:03:05","slug":"single-and-sober","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.sa-israel.org\/en\/single-and-sober\/","title":{"rendered":"Single and Sober"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t
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(from Essay August 2019)<\/p>\n

Single is a unique platform<\/p>\n

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I viewed men as toys or saviours but never as human beings. They filled my time until I found THE ONE who became my god. The fear of not being loved or accepted drove me into depression, misery and fear of abandonment. I believed that the ONE would fix me and fulfill my fantasies and dreams. But each time I sank deeper into a living hell, taking the abuse and telling myself that I was the problem.<\/p>\n

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My last sex drunk was with a married man who I truly believed was the ONE. He worshiped me and pulled me out of my misery with his constant attention. There were many red flags toward which I turned a blind eye. I needed him so desperately that I ignored my strict religious upbringing. Eventually I hit a bottom and ended up in SA. The big dilemma I had in the beginning was trying to live without him. I relapsed back to him several times because the emotional void without him was too large and overwhelming.<\/p>\n

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Along my journey in SA, God has taken my sexual nightmare and given me back a dream. I began to accept that my deep need for love was real and valid, but I was looking for it in the wrong places. The only one place where I can safely have immeasurable, unconditional love is from a Higher Power. But my character defects were in the way so I had to work the Steps. Surrendering my defects was like putting myself under the knife of God as skillful surgeon.<\/p>\n

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When I came to SA I didn\u2019t want me; today I am comfortable as I am. I developed a conversational intimacy with my Higher Power. Once I truly started to experience this, the desperate emotional and sexual need for a man began to diminish. Finding unconditional love allowed me to finally come alive in my own skin. I learned that my Higher Power would start meeting my needs as soon as I started to care about them. My whole life changed when I stopped expecting someone else to take me seriously and started taking myself seriously.<\/p>\n

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I find great freedom in abstinence as a single person. I know now that sex is not intimacy and that intimacy begins with being intimate with myself. Without intimacy with myself I cannot be vulnerable and intimate with anyone else.<\/p>\n

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Bedtime has long been a trigger time for me, because I was abused as a child. In my addiction, I used men to make me feel safe in bed. I transformed bedtime into intimacy with my Higher Power, a time to be alone and vulnerable with my heart\u2019s True Love in silence. As I fall asleep I feel the presence and embrace of my Higher Power and my fears dissolve. This is the hidden spirituality of sleeping alone.<\/p>\n

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Before SA, I struggled with feeling unchosen as a single woman. I now redefine the term \u201cchosen\u201d with a spiritual meaning. If I am in SA, have sobriety, and experience a spiritual awakening, I have been \u201cchosen\u201d for the most privileged journey of a lifetime. There is no greater achievement.<\/p>\n

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I no longer waste my gift of single-hood focused on lack in my life. I chase my curiosity, development and my goals. I chase my passion. I strive to work for something larger than myself and I am building a new world. Single-hood is not a second class status or a waiting period. I maximise my season of single-hood and relish the unique platform for great enjoyment, freedom and meaning.<\/p>\n

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Today I am no longer obsessed with getting married; I am finally getting it right. More than marriage, I desire to be useful to God, to please God, and to be in His will.<\/p>\n

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Louise B, Northern Ireland U. K.<\/p>\n

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(from Essay August 2019) Single is a unique platform I viewed men as toys or saviours but never as human beings. They filled my time until I found THE ONE who became my god. The fear of not being loved or accepted drove me into depression, misery and fear of abandonment. I believed that the… Read More »Single and Sober<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":309,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"neve_meta_sidebar":"default","neve_meta_container":"default","neve_meta_enable_content_width":"off","neve_meta_content_width":70,"neve_meta_title_alignment":"","neve_meta_author_avatar":"","neve_post_elements_order":"","neve_meta_disable_header":"off","neve_meta_disable_footer":"off","neve_meta_disable_title":"off","footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-308","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-essay"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sa-israel.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/308","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sa-israel.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sa-israel.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sa-israel.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sa-israel.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=308"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.sa-israel.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/308\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":312,"href":"https:\/\/www.sa-israel.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/308\/revisions\/312"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sa-israel.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/309"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sa-israel.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=308"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sa-israel.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=308"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sa-israel.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=308"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}