Hi! My name is Chanan D. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I am a gratefully recovering sexaholic. I am sober by the grace of God since March 21, 2019, and I call the Jerusalem, Israel fellowship my home.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
My disease caused me to confuse reality with fantasy – to believe that the figments of my imagination are of true substance. And without help it was near impossible for me to distinguish between the true and the false.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
In my disease I believed it was perfectly reasonable to lie to my wife about my whereabouts, skip classes, and to stay home to watch pornography and masturbate for hours. I believed it was perfectly normal to judge my wife for her shortcomings, blame her for our problems, and resent her when she expressed her needs or pointed out my defects. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Everyone does, no?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I am eternally grateful for the Loving Guidance that brought me to Sexaholics Anonymous. I really thought I had one problem – pornography and masturbation. It turns out that I had many more problems lurking beneath the surface. SA taught me I had a spiritual malady – a disease which makes me uncomfortable with who I am, and with the life God has provided for me. I came to realize as well that I just used my \u201cdrug\u201d – lust – to cover up those uncomfortable feelings and attitudes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Lust is a subtle foe, and even in recovery there have been times when it seemed overwhelming and confusing, such as in the bedroom. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Before joining SA, my wife and I did not have an enjoyable sex life. This was mostly because I was passive-aggressively manipulating my wife into doing what I wanted, when I wanted it. We rarely, ( if ever) discussed sex or what we did in the bedroom. I would be aroused primarily if she played out the fantasies I was accustomed to seeing in pornography. If sex was not available, or if we tried to be together and for some reason it didn’t work out, I became moody, angry, resentful, and non-communicative.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
By the grace of God, working the Steps, and adopting new attitudes towards my wife and towards sexuality, I have been experiencing what is (for me) nothing short of a series of miracles. Today my wife and I enjoy emotional intimacy before<\/em> engaging in sexual intimacy. For me that is of primary importance. But it is vital for me to surrender lust in the bedroom before<\/strong>, during<\/strong>, and after<\/strong> sex:<\/p>\n\n\n\n I let my wife dictate how frequently we are together – I spent enough time before recovery trying to control that. I also surrender and pray to be free of any and every expectation of sexual pleasure. <\/p>\n\n\n\n I pray to God to help me focus on simply being present, to act selflessly, and to remain focused on giving to her. I listen with my ears to what she is saying, and I am attuned to body language and non-verbal cues. <\/p>\n\n\n\n I remain together with my wife for a time, I don’t rush out of the bedroom immediately, on to the next thing. Throughout that day and usually the next day as well, I surrender as necessary the memories and images in my mind from being with my wife.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Today, life is so much better than it ever was before joining SA. I no longer have to resort to pornography, masturbation, or sexual fantasy as means of escape from the life God has given me. I enjoy emotional and physical intimacy with my wife, and God is with us in our home. And I know life can only get better.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Get a fresh burst of recovery directly to your inbox, every Monday.<\/p>\n\n\n[mailjet_subscribe widget_id=”2″]\n\n\n\n Got something to share?<\/strong> Got feedback? Get in touch here. \u203a<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Hi! My name is Chanan D. I am a gratefully recovering sexaholic. I am sober by the grace of God since March 21, 2019, and I call the Jerusalem, Israel fellowship my home. My disease caused me to confuse reality with fantasy – to believe that the figments of my imagination are of true substance.… Read More »Lust in the Bedroom<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":564,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"neve_meta_sidebar":"","neve_meta_container":"","neve_meta_enable_content_width":"","neve_meta_content_width":0,"neve_meta_title_alignment":"","neve_meta_author_avatar":"","neve_post_elements_order":"[\"title\",\"meta\",\"thumbnail\",\"content\",\"tags\",\"comments\",\"post-navigation\"]","neve_meta_disable_header":"","neve_meta_disable_footer":"","neve_meta_disable_title":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-561","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-roadtofreedom"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sa-israel.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/561","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sa-israel.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sa-israel.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sa-israel.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sa-israel.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=561"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/www.sa-israel.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/561\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":568,"href":"https:\/\/www.sa-israel.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/561\/revisions\/568"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sa-israel.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/564"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sa-israel.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=561"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sa-israel.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=561"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sa-israel.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=561"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}Before<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
During<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Afterwards<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
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