{"id":644,"date":"2021-09-27T05:04:26","date_gmt":"2021-09-27T05:04:26","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.sa-israel.org\/en\/?p=644"},"modified":"2021-09-27T05:11:47","modified_gmt":"2021-09-27T05:11:47","slug":"reconnecting-with-others","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.sa-israel.org\/en\/reconnecting-with-others\/","title":{"rendered":"Reconnecting with Others"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Have you ever been in a crowd of friends or family, and yet felt totally alone? Even among a large, happy crowd, listening and sometimes talking, I felt seperated. Apart from. Inside, something was crying out \u201cWhat’s wrong with me? Why can’t I just connect?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

It felt like there was an invisible wall around me, totally impenetrable. It seemed to get thicker as time went by. The thoughts swirl – I feel so lonely – I’m in such pain – I don’t know why. What’s going on? – I can’t take this much longer – the pain is agonizing – how do I connect?<\/em> Maybe no one wants to connect with me. What does it mean to be connected anyhow? I’ve never had that gift. Maybe I should take that LinkedIn communication course – that’ll get me connected!<\/em> These feelings were a staple of my childhood, and they haunt me to this day. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n

How does this disconnect start? I\u2019ve found that it begins when I take actions of lust or use a character defect such as control, expectation, or judgmentalism. I immediately feel cut off from my source of life – my Higher Power. For example, if I’m judging someone (even subconsciously), then I\u2019ve disconnected myself from them. This builds a sort of wall between us. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

When I surrender that judgmentalism by asking God to replace it with unconditional love for that person, and I pray for their wellbeing, then \u201cthe wall falls down\u201d – my connection with them improves. I become \u201ca part of\u201d instead of \u201capart from\u201d. If I do this whenever the defect shows up, then those thick walls that surrounded me will be gradually pulled down, brick by brick. I can then feel connected, to myself, to my Higher Power, and of course to others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I can’t explain why this happens. It just does. It’s like a mist that slowly lifts, revealing a clarity about life itself. It’s like things are put into place – the place they’re supposed to be. That’s the feeling, and it’s magic.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Another tool I use is walking through the character defect and seeing it for what it is.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example, as a divorced father, I visit my children every week. When I go to see them, I naturally expect that they\u2019ll behave in certain ways. I expect them to give me a hug, and to be open about their feelings. I expect myself to be open with them, (even if they bring up why I left and divorced their mother), and ultimately to develop a loving relationship with them. These expectations are fantasies – my kids might be uninterested, or they might be so \u201cclosed\u201d or confused that it’s hard for them to open up. There\u2019s no reason for them to conform to my expectations. Often they don\u2019t, and I\u2019m left hurt and disappointed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

To let go of these feelings, I can \u201cwalk through the expectation\u201d: Maybe they\u2019re not ready for this relationship yet. Maybe they never will be. If they don\u2019t want to give me a hug, I accept it. I try to see the positive side of our relationship, and then surrender that expectation in a phone call to another program member, just as I might surrender a lust hit. Once I\u2019ve done this, I’m already in a better place, and I can be present for my children. I can then enjoy the rest of their visit.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n
<\/div>\n\n\n\n

Never miss an update<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Get a fresh burst of recovery directly to your inbox, every Monday.<\/p>\n\n\n[mailjet_subscribe widget_id=”2″]\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n

Got something to share?<\/strong>
Learn more about article submissions \u203a<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Got feedback? Get in touch here. \u203a<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Have you ever been in a crowd of friends or family, and yet felt totally alone? Even among a large, happy crowd, listening and sometimes talking, I felt seperated. Apart from. Inside, something was crying out \u201cWhat’s wrong with me? Why can’t I just connect?\u201d It felt like there was an invisible wall around me,… Read More »Reconnecting with Others<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":645,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"neve_meta_sidebar":"","neve_meta_container":"","neve_meta_enable_content_width":"","neve_meta_content_width":0,"neve_meta_title_alignment":"","neve_meta_author_avatar":"","neve_post_elements_order":"[\"title\",\"meta\",\"thumbnail\",\"content\",\"tags\",\"comments\",\"post-navigation\"]","neve_meta_disable_header":"","neve_meta_disable_footer":"","neve_meta_disable_title":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-644","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-roadtofreedom"],"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t